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Hi, I’m Becky and this is my first official post. I’ve been a lurker for awhile, since I stumbled across my daughter searching for her “birth family” on an obscure search site one year ago yesterday. The help I’ve received from reading everyone else’s posts over the past year has been invaluable.
Bfather and I married after relinquishing K and went on to have three sons. When I found her, her search was over in an instant, she got the package deal. We broke a lot of reunion rules by jumping into things, but one year later, I think we’d all have to say it’s gone quite well.
We live in Texas and K and both of our very large extended families live in Ohio. Like Kathy, K and I have had very little alone time but we e-mail often and talk on the phone once a week. My husband actually met K first because he had already planned a Thanksgiving trip to Ohio. Two weeks after finding her, he went to her house for dinner and met K, her husband B, their 4 children, and her mom and dad.
Three weeks later I flew up and did the same thing. They welcomed me warmly and her parents brought along her baby book, photo albums and scrapbooks. The next day K and B and their children came to my Mom and Dad’s and met with some of my family, then went to my in-laws and met a lot of family.
In April, I flew back up with my youngest son, R. Upon entering K’s house her dad embraced him and said, “Nice to meet you R, I’m your step-adoptive dad, or something like that.” (Yes, he’s a hoot!) K and her family again came to visit our families.
In May, my husband flew up for a niece’s wedding. K, her children and her mom also attended. My husband went to a Memorial Day get together with K’s Mom’s family.
In July, we made our annual trek up for vacation. K got to meet her other two “brothers.” During our 2 week visit we attended her Mom’s family’s 4th of July BBQ, a smaller get together at K’s house where we met other important people in her life, we sat with K and her parents at her sons’ baseball games, had K, her family and parents over to my family’s annual get together where they met more of my siblings and their families, had her children overnight at my in-laws, went fishing, went to Cedar Point, and spent time just hanging out and getting to know each other.
Yes, we’ve had awkward moments and yes we all have some insecurities and anxieties (especially me) but we are committed to working on a relationship and are respectful and sensitive to each others’ position. We have acknowledged that each of has been an important, though unknown, part of the other’s lives and we all believe there is enough love to go around.
I just got back from spending K’s 34th birthday with her. We went out to eat – her family, her parents, and me. I also tagged along to her daughter’s swim meet and her cousin’s birthday party. They in turn, visited with our families again. At this point, I feel very comfortable with K, her husband and children. We were all amazed at how natural it felt, even at the beginning. I was also much more relaxed with her parents and her extended family this last trip. K also e-mails and talks on the phone with my husband and her brothers, and her children call their “Uncle R” several times a week. K and her family are planning a visit in June to attend R’s high school graduation.
I have made much progress working thru my birth mother issues this past year, but I still worry that our reunion could end at any time. I pinch myself as a reminder that I’m really living this dream come true, and make sure to enjoy every moment.
Sorry I got so long, once I got started, I didn’t know where to stop.
Becky
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