Thanks, all, for your support and kind words. I really appreciate it.
At this point, I think I'm actually feeling kind of annoyed, because while I have lots of other things to do, I can't seem to stop thinking about my dad. I'm sure it sounds stupid, but it feels so weird to be obsessing about someone I haven't seen in almost two and a half years. Someone I only gave an occasional thought to. But I am, and I think I'm going to drive my DH crazy, because I don't want to talk about anything else.
At the same time, it seems ironic that I had been thinking about him a lot the last few days. I had a pretty rough weekend dealing with other emotional issues, and I even journaled about how I'm more like my dad than I want to admit, and not in good ways, either. And I was working on my Christmas present list and thinking about the envelope full of pictures that I've been saving for him and how I'd soon be adding to it. Now, I'm not sure what I want to do with it. The logical part of me says to take them out of the dumb envelope and put them with my other photos, but I'm not sure I can do it. Do I bury it with him? Just keep it? Send it to his sister? Burn it? Guess I just need to hang on to it until I figure it out.
I just can't help thinking how much he missed out on. The last time I saw him was when we met at a Big Boy's restaurant so he could meet his two new grandsons. And even then, he wouldn't tell us where he was staying, and he let his cell phone lapse (or disconnected it?) soon afterward. I'm glad my sons got to meet him, but at some level it feels almost cruel for them to only have seen him once.
Anyway, I'm rambling now, so I'm going to go hop in the shower. Thanks for listening.