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Janny, sometimes I feel like a broken record (or maybe a tape loop!). We sometimes have to mourn the loss of our expectations of our child or parent almost as if it's a death before we can realistically come to terms with the actual relationship. I think the most postive thing for me was that I had no expectation of what a relationship with D would be like -- in fact, I never expected to have a relationship! It frees me to just enjoy the relationship that is growing. (On the other hand, I didn't expect the waves of sadness that occasionally hit me as I watch his children grow!)
I hope Rose's idea does help.
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