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OH my, do I know where you are coming from! My children came home and for the first year to 18 months...I wondered daily what I had done. I could not find it within ME to bond with them. Their attachment was moving along at the rate that is normal. They came to me to have their needs met, they showed affection, all the signs I had read about in my studies prior to the adoption. But, each time there was even the smallest bump in the road, I freaked out. I felt lost and confused and could not "feel" what I expected to feel. I tried my best to "fake it until I made it"...but there were days that task was very hard for me. I now believe they felt my apprehension - even though I worked hard to hide it. Once I felt my guard going down, their small issues began to subside. I don't think anyone can expect to fall immediately in love with an older child (a non-infant)...we, as humans, are not wired for that. It would be like going on a blind date and getting married on the same night.
I guess all of this is to say that children feed off us...whether or not we know it. It could be that your son has some attachment issues. But, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion too quickly. GIve it a little time and see if the changes that will happen in you allow him to more firmly attach to you as well.
Good luck. Don't beat yourself up!
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