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This sounds much more than adoption issues. I can see why your family wants her out of their lives and I do understand why you cry alone about it. I am so sorry to hear that.
I reunited with my birth mother first, then I met her family, two more kids, her mother, her sig other etc.
My half sister is a master manipulator and has caused me an immense amout of pain over the last year an a half. Just the other day I had to tell her that she could not be a part of my life as it is an unhealthy relationship. As an example, she thinks I am to sensitive because I will not allow her to call me a certain name (female dog) as a joke. My respone to her is that it is not funny and I won't allow her to treat me that way. I have also caught her in countless lies, but she runs to mommy and tells more lies and I look like a loser for rocking the boat.
In other words - lots of mental health issues. If your daughter has learned all these coping styles from amom then I can see why she may be doing these things. It must get her the results she is looking for and your daughter learned that along the way? Just some thoughts.
You do need a break, my favorite is getting a threaputic massage, stop thinking for that one hour and give yourself at least that much.
I would also think about talk therapy for yourself if you are open to it. I cannot imagine how difficult to find you daughter and have so many issues.
I would also have to agree with Kim's #2 answer. I would let her decide to do a break, but it would never leave the back of my mind.
Deb
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