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Originally Posted by Blessed2x.
Jan,
You have such good points for the adoptee to consider in a reunion. It's so hard to wait, but slow and steady seems the way to go. What I am struggling with is how to wait gracefully..? I still don't know what to do with all these emotions- how to live peacefully with whatever the directions things go? It seems unhealthy for me to be so consumed long term...I have my own little ones that I need to be emotionally complete for and present for. Any thoughts, anyone?
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Hi, I can relate to the struggling to wait gracefully, as I am 'consumed' at the minute with 'waiting' and I think I am full throttle 'venting' on these forums!! It seems to have taken over my life!! But I think that is key to the answer - your life. Somehow (and this can be so hard without a doubt) we have to get on with life as if that person we are in reunion with isn't there.
Trying to find that On/Off switch just isn't easy. I, like everyone else, get on the roller coaster and when its on an up, its intoxicating and when its on a down, its a wretch of a place to be. There doesn't seem to be any inbetween in this roller coaster of reunion, not in my experience, or if there is, it doesn't last long!!
I think what helps, is to be able to put yourself in the other persons shoes. It kinda takes some of the heat off, but not all. Reading about adoption issues (for me, Adoption Reunion Survival Guide & Nancy Verrier's 2 books are all I need I find) has some 'relief' up to a point, but one can also get to saturation point, where you have to put the books down and get on with whatever you were doing.....
I think a new change of hobby, or something new in your life helps. NEW to me are 2 pet rats, and I'm delighted with them. I also have a possible franchise on optimum nutrition I'm looking into at the end of the month. I am more alive in other ways, by organising things, taking people out (some old and can't walk) - you know, whatever kind of stuff works for you???
You are right, it IS unhealthy to be consumed long term, but unfortunately, it is a TSUNAMI and no-one expects anyone to carry on as if nothing has happened. Things, I've been told, do calm down. I now openly get annoyed with my son, so that has to be a good point in our reunion, its getting more 'normal' and I think its good to check out those that are successful in reunion and are 'there' the place where you and I want to be. Kune is one I can think of immediately.
I think if you have little ones, then I would imagine that its hard to have time to yourself to think. How you do this, I leave to you, but if you could get some think time to yourself without the demands of others being made on you, go to a stream or lake with a couple of friends and have someone babysit? Give yourself some "you" time, something like that? I know that when I go for a walk in the countryside and have some 'me' time, that helps me refresh my brain and realise that there's more to life than shopping at Tescos', getting caught in the traffic..... (made me think of getting caught in the rain, pina colada.... !!!LOL).
I did the most ridiculous thing yesterday, but I don't care, I kicked through all the autumn leaves as I walked along - loadsa them! 51 now and acting like a child! Ha! It was joyous. So perhaps, if you have little ones, bring some fun into life? Reunion IS without a doubt intense, so somehow, whatever works for you, bring some fun and laughter into things and perhaps that will help. I know I love watching the Three Fugitives with Nick Nolte and Martin Short - guarantees to touch my heart and make it swell and laugh at the same time. Anyone else have any ideas to bring some fun and laughter in our lives??? Perhaps I should start a thread....!!! Fred!! Oh dear, forgive me....LOL (((hugs))) my thoughts are with you!! Yes its frustrating, but if its cold & windy outside come in and vent on the forums... and have a hot chocolate with lots of cream and chocolate bits on it.....