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Originally Posted by Roosmama
Just a quick update - I spoke to T over the weekend and we got everything out in the open. We talked for over an hour, and I'm glad we did. She understood my perspective, and I understood hers, and our relationship is back on solid footing again. It really wasn't as big a deal as I had made it out to be, but often it's all in perspective. Thanks again for all your supportive comments, and the swift kicks in the rear as well, which I obviously needed  |
I'm glad you worked things out in your relationship with T. That in the end is really what matters in these things.
I've done lots of thinking about this label thing myself. The very first letter that we received from my Roo's First Mom was simply signed "Mom". It threw me until I thought about it for awhile. At that point, she had been his Mom for alot longer than I had (Roo was maybe three weeks old) so why not use Mom? With time, she discovered for herself what made her comfortable... she now calls herself by her first name to him and honestly, we don't communicate enough right now by her choice to have this conversation. Whenever he is older and she decides what she wants him to call her, we'll go from there.
And really, I've often wondered if we as those parenting through adoption project things on ourselves that have nothing to do with us. What a first/birth/natural/life/other mother decides to call herself really has nothing to do with me and my place as mother in the life of the child she chose to place in my family, does it? Just because she feels like she wants to be referred to in a specific way does not change who I am in the life of our child.
That's just how I feel about this. And really, I worry that we spend too much energy worrying about this kind of stuff. But OTOH it is true, if it is important to you and how you feel, then maybe it is worth worrying about.
But in the end, it is about YOU and YOUR relationship with your child's other family. I am so glad you worked it out together.