Quote:
|
Originally Posted by knicho30
We are in the final stages of adopting our niece. She is only 22 months old and we've had her since she was 3 months old. Her bio parents are my BIL and his estranged girlfriend-- they are not my issue. My concern is... do we raise her telling her she's adopted from the beginning? Do we wait and worry that she'll not trust us? Her only full sibling is being adopted by another aunt/uncle within our family. We have a large family and run the HUGE risk that someone will "spill the beans" before we'd like them to. I don't ever want her to think we've lied to her but I am not sure how to go about this. She's still young, but at what point do you let them know? As a rule, I don't harbor bad feelings toward her bio parents (there are days... but overall I don't have ill will toward them) I fully intend to tell her that they loved her and just weren't able to care for her and her brother. Any suggestions? Do you tell them now or later? We have the added worry of her bio brother who will soon be labeled a cousin. I feel like they should know that they are brother/sister. I am leaning toward keeping it all out on the table, but how do I do that without her thinking her whole life that she was just given away? Just want to do the right thing. At what point do I stop refering to her as my niece and start calling her my daughter? She calls me mommy, but when people ask how we got this blue eyed, blonde haired baby (when all of our bio kids are dark hair/dark eyes) I automatically reply... she's our neice...we are adopting her.
Anyone else been in this situation?
|
With an in-family adoption it is best she knows everything, age approprate, if you don't tell her, someone else will.
You are going to be her mommy legally and you already answer to mommy. For people who may need to know you can tell them the details, for strangers, new people, just say they blonde hair and blue eyes run in the family, it is true in a way. If the new people become friends you can tell them the whole story if you want.
What you don't want her to think is adoption should be a secret or something to be ashamed of, the fine line here, nor do you want her to have to think of it constantly. When other people ask.
The one thing many adoptees will tell you, is the always knew, it just was. They can't remember not knowing.
That is the best way, no surprises, no lies, no secrets.
good luck enjoy