[Indiaadoptee]

Hi AKT
Wow, from an adoptee's perspective, what an odd but interesting question. It kind of surprised me to read the sentence “…just because somebody gave birth doesn’t make them parents to their child.” Also, it somewhat alarmed me to read the last sentence of the first paragraph. What I interpreted, and correct me if I’m wrong, it seems perfectly logical to assume any person who plucks a kid out of an orphanage is that child’s parent from then on, and therefore it doesn’t matter who the people, particularly the mother who bonded with the child for at least 9 months, were. I actually think it does matter whether or not the birth parents exist. Here's my thoughts.

In answer to your question, it all comes down to identity. The adoptee wants to know where they came from in order to complete their identity. I don’t know, but from reading your first paragraph, I have to assume you have grown up in your biological family. When you look into your family mirror, you can see everything. You can see where your family came from, generations ago, you can see what you might look like when you get older, you can see medical issues that might flare up, you can see what things you may be naturally good at, the list goes on. Your biological family has a lot to do with your identity.

The adoptee, on the other hand, looks into the family mirror and sees nothing. All they see is themselves. There is no one who is the same physically, psychologically or emotionally. And as they grow older, they become even more aware that there is, or were, in fact somebody out there who is the same.

That’s why a lot of adoptees what to search. That’s why I want to search. It is sometime scary and lonely to grow up in a family that is completely different than me. Don't get me wrong, I love my adoptive family-they're awesome, funny, and cool. But both my adoptive family and birth family have a part in forming my identity, so naturally, obviously, I want to know more about my real parents.
And if you do decide to adopt, I hope you encourage the child to learn about their past, including information about their birth parents, no matter how painful it may be for you. It could bring you closer to your child.