Hi India adoptee
I am trying to understand the thoughts / feelings behind your wanting to know more about your bilogical parents. I don't mean to be disrespectful of your feelings. But how does it matter whether your biological parents exist somewhere or not? I mean just because somebody gave birth doesn't make them parents to their child. I think the whole idea of parenting is involved in the process of raising the child with love & care. I know it's not easy, but I am trying to put myself in your shoes & think. To me, the biological parents don't mean anything more than any of the 6 billion odd people in the world.
We too are considering adoption and this very thought is what haunts us as prospective adoptive parents. The thought that at some point in our life our child would start thinking in these lines, which would, to us, imply that we have not been as successful in raising our child as his/her biological parents would have been. That we we have some how failed so much in our capacity to love him/her that he/she is thinking about his/her biological "real" parent. In fact this very concern is what pulls my partner away from the idea.
And you also mentioned not wanting to seem ungrateful. There is no room for gratefulness / ungrgratefulness in such relationships. in fact the parents would be grateful to you for bringing yourself into their lives.
regards,
AKT
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Originally Posted by Indiaadoptee
Hi Carro. I'm so glad you are looking to adopt from India!
Yea, the Indian name issue was interesting. I like Indian names, don't get me wrong, but I am not fond of the ones that are hard to pronounce! My last name is Petersen...haha.
Why would your husband fear the child wouldn't accept him? Is there a particular reason?
If the child was adopted as an infant, your husband would be the only father he or she ever knew, so there would be no reason why they wouldn't accept him. That was my case.
My younger brother, on the other hand, who was also adopted from India, came home when he was 3. So he was old enough to know about family names, like mom,dad, brother,etc. In India, my brother lived with a missionary family before my dad arrived. But he didn't have a problem accepting my dad because they introduced my dad as his dad. He finally had someone to call Daddy.
My brother and I are very fortunate to have an amazing dad, so no, it wasn't an issue at all, growing up. Now being in college, it's a whole new thing. I love my dad very much, but it is hard because I know I have a birth father still in India somewhere. It's a huge mental struggle-I want to know more about my birth father, but don't want to seem ungrateful to my adoptive father. And I don't talk to my adoptive parents about it because I don't want them to know how big of a deal it is to me.
Did any of that help? What questions can I answer for you? Any topic you want me to talk about?
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