[Roosmama]

Thanks so much for your posts. I think I still have some resentment issues to deal with b/c DS's birthmom wasn't completely honest with us through her pregnancy. She tested positive for marijuana use the day DS was born, even though she said she hadn't done any drugs after she found out she was pregnant. DS also suffered severe niccotine withdrawals for the first several days after he was born b/c his birth mother didn't even try to quit smoking. If I'm completely honest, part of me feels like she's trying to take a title that she really doesn't deserve. I know that sounds awful. She does love him, and she made an adoption plan for him out of love, and I have nothing but respect for her for doing that. But I find myself chafing at the idea of having to call her by a title that essentially undermines my position in DS's life. I can see where the term birth mother originated, b/c it really is more politially correct for the adoptive family. So maybe it isn't fair or right. But there doesn't appear to be any other termology that puts us both on a level playing field. I want her to feel good about herself and her decision. But should I do that at the expense of how I feel about myself as DS's mom? It's stupid that changing titles would affect how I view myself. But there it is. And therein lies the crux of the matter, I suppose.

One other issue is that by default, DS's birth mother has also started calling his birth father his "natural father." The guy only just this week admitted to being his birth father (he signed off on the papers just to get the issue out of the way), and is completely irresponsible and an alcoholic. While I honor and respect DS's birth mother for everything she went through in her pregnancy and all of the love she has for DS, I have a really hard time considering DS's birth father as anything other than the birth father. To consider him DS's natural father or first father does not sit well with me AT ALL.

Sorry for the negative post. I'm having a really hard time with this.