[BMlaurie]

Hi Trishalina,

As i read your story i was really shocked by how much i can relate to your situation. I live in Canada but i went through all the exact same strife that you did. In the province that i was living in (and am living in again now), Social Services would not even give me ANY info on adoption, no home studies to look at, NOTHING until they had the birthfather's consent for me to place my baby. Regardless of whether this guy's entire involvement in creating this life was 20 seconds, and the bmom's is 9 mos, that's how the law works. They threatened me and told me that if i didn't tell him, they would. I actually hadn't even told him i was pregnant...i had moved to another city and hadn't seen him for months. Our "relationship" is SO complicated, that's a whole other post. Altho he isn't a thug, he's certainly in the complete deadbeat category as well. I did alot of research too and discovered that the province next to mine had very different laws with adoption and i ended up moving to that province at 38 weeks (I flew...almost gave the flight attendant a heart attack) and had my baby there. I chose parents that live in the same city as my sister (in that province).

On your baby's 1st bday, my son with be exactly 6 mos. He was born August 22, 2002. I'm so sorry you're having a hard time, i'm with you there 100%, i think you have alot of us in your boat right now sweetie. I'd love to tell you otherwise, but i don't think it's ever going to get easier. I obviously don't know that for sure, and i guess we can hope. As for you thinkin that it might help once the adoption is final...it's SUCH a complete Catch 22, believe me. My son's parents and I have gone through complete HELL with my son's bdad and HIS parents (MOSTLY his parents, he doesn't really give a flying you know what about anything but drugs and his sad sad self). So on one hand, it was a huge relief once the adoption was final to not have to worry about them interfering and ruining not only my son's life, but mine AND his adoptive parent's lives as well. On the other hand - it was that final nail in the coffin, that stake right through your heart knowing that he will NEVER be your child to raise, even legally now there's nothing you can do. I know that WAS our decision, but it doesn't make our harsh reality any different.


Wow I am REALLY not helping any here am i? I'm sorry sweetie! I just want you to know that you're not alone in this and anytime you need to talk about it you're more than welcome to. You should submit your baby's bday in to Courtney for a reminder to us bmoms so we can send you a hello on the 22nd! Maybe that will help a little. Keep in touch sweetie, and i hope you can find something that will make you happy, you deserve it.

Take care Trishalina!

Laurie