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I have a friend who is adopted, and it never really occurred to me that she looks NOTHING like either of her parents. She is always the quickest to remind anyone that she is adopted, if they casually comment or question about anything that has to do with family history or genes - such as saying that she must get her black hair from an aunt or something because it for sure didn't come from her mother, or if they ask whether or not twins are in her mother's line (because she had twins). She always shrugs and says, "Well, we don't know, because I'm adopted." But it's such an easy, non-issue with her that it comes and goes as quickly as that. I've often been amazed at her comfort level and easy handling of those situations that could end up being quite uncomfortable given a different attitude, and I"m positive that she would not be able to rise above so easily if her parents hadn't treated her adoption as a blessing, and incorporated that understanding into her life from a very early age. I would suggest telling your daughter right NOW that she is adopted, tell her who her brother is, and call her your daughter and yourself her mother - it will give her a sense of belonging and help her to understand where she fits right now.
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