[randloar]

First off, you are not a bad mom for feeling the way you are feeling. This is a very different situation than your first child, and sounds likes its still pretty new.

Give it more time, hang in there, and see how things go over the next few months as the ear infection goes away (that can be so painful and make them soooo fussy/whiny), and you have more of a chance to bond/attach a little more.

For us, we brought home both our kiddos at the same time (13 months,girl; and 32 month, boy) early this year......let me just say as a new/firsttime mom, it has been a long year, and sometimes I catch myself saying 'why did we do this to ourselves'? Feels horrible to admit it, but its true. I wouldn't change a thing, but its been a very hard 7 months home, and my friends with bio kids really don't understand.

We have really had to work to break through to our little girl. She woulndn't make eye contact with us when feeding or any sort of distress, so, once we were ready (it took about 1.5 months of settling before we started), we starting the eye contact while I fed her a bottle (laying back in my arms). She would scream like crazy at first when our eyes met, but slowly she settled into it, and then stopped sleeping at night.....to us a sign she was needing us when she felt most vulnerable and when we could cuddle her without her having to look at us..........we did it, and she came out of that within 6 weeks.....long weeks I might add!!

My point is that as much as we 'knew' it would be hard, there was no way for us to prepare for what we have encountered........and it took us several months to settle in and really figure out what the kids needed (that balanced with what we could give) to get them to start to see that we are here for them forever. And our attaching/bonding was not instant with either child, we thought they were both adorable, and knew we were bringing them home with us for sure, but the true attaching for both DH and I has been a progressive thing.....maybe thats partially due to the extra stress of two at once and being pulled so much two directions at once..........but, we now can say we love our kiddos without thinking about it (bonded!, yeah!!!), but still have some ways to go on the attachment part, as do they..........its a process for most, not necessarily instant.........

We do cuddle/rock/hold our toddler boy in baby position and give him a bottle (sippy cup) that way whenever he is up for it..........along with the eye contact stuff........he loves it and calms down a lot after we take the time with him.........even though he seems too old for it, he never got it, so it really could help your child as well! Either way, hang in there, and don't be too tough on yourself, this is a tough adjustment for all involved!!!