I think Leakaye has a point here, Kate. And in your case you have both bson and DH. If bson does not feel welcomed by DH, then his feeling reluctant to "intrude" seems not unreasonable. Perhaps DH has buried his feelings as well. It may just take more time. That doesn't make it any easier on you, of course.
The letter-writing ratio between myself and "R" is about 3 to 1. It's close to that with the son I raised. My daughter calls me three times a day. I've never spoken to "R" on the phone, but we do use text messaging while traveling for visits. I think sometimes it's even harder when guys are younger.
I was concerned in the beginning about how much to correspond with "R" so I just asked him. He said to write as much and as often as I wanted. So, I do. I send him 2 to 3 emails each week, he sends about 1 per week. I try to send at least one "story" each week, a longer email which is story-like in nature, featuring various situations, relatives, adventures, etc.
I also generally send photos once a week, and if I don't have any really cool photos, I just aim the camera at myself and send a recent one of me (fortunately, I don't have to do that often). Sometimes the email is just a photo with a short line or two.
Emails were flying around more frequently as it got closer to visits, but then level out in between and then I send maybe 2 emails a week... one with a story, and one with pictures. I know that "R" loves to read the stories, but I also know that he doesn't have a lot of time to write. But, we are communicating. I write much more than "R", but when we are together he talks much more than me, so it all evens out in the end.
In the beginning of our reunion, I would get very anxious if I didn't hear from "R" -- because I was afraid of losing him again. It helped a lot to remind myself to *live in the present* and not project my fears into the future based upon past experiences. It's not easy and I'm not always successful, but it's the healthy way to go for myself and for others in my life who need my attention as well.
It's hard in the beginning, Kate, and I know you feel torn, but I admire you greatly -- you have a lot of courage, and you're a strong woman. You have our support, encouragement and love.
(((HUGS)))
Susan
