First of all, I am apologetic to anyone who was offended by my post, or the words therein. I think for those of you who are offended, you are not understanding that I am not upset in the least that Michelle is in my life, exactly the opposite. I am disappointed that adad has been so quick to throw this child at me and is so ready to just not be any kind of a parent. When I signed those papers relinquishing her all those years ago, the judge kept reiterating that this was a final and irrevocable decision and that I could NEVER EVER change my mind, now within 9 months of having this child back in my life, I have become "Mom" and she is now no different in my eyes than the 14 year old son I have raised, except that for 19 years I knew absolutely nothing about her life. We have developed a bond in the past 9 months that I know will never be broken and will only grow stronger in time. While I am elated about this and I love Michelle with all my heart, it is very daunting some days, because for all those years, I had convinced myself that I would never be a "Mother" to this child and had geared my mindset that if/when reunion took place I would not get my hopes up about having such a connection. Mind you, Michelle would not be offended by those words, as she is the one who told me that adad is "dumping" his problem of her on me. If you had read any of my other threads from late last year, earlier this year, you would know that because adad let this child have unlimited access to money (she was spending $1000.00 USD per week or more), which she spent on cocaine for herself and the loser boyfriend she had then and that I had to take her out of state to get her checked into a rehab program one month after our first meeting in 19 years, because adad just "didn't have it in him", maybe you would be a little less critical and less offended. She herself told me that she feels very ashamed of adad and how he has just written her off because he now has someone who is willing to step up to the plate and help her. She is very happy that I am willing to work with her but thinks adad's responses to everything have been very inappropriate. She has told me that her whole life, unless there is some problem with money, he really has nothing to say to her, and the longer I am involved with this situation, the more I see that she has hit the nail on the head. It is very sad that their relationship has grown into what it is, but I had nothing to do with that, as I just met the two of them 9 months ago. Adad doesn't see that he must also change if their relationship is to change, he thinks only she has to change. Sad that he is so narrow minded. I do not consider Michelle a "problem", having her in my life has just presented the opportunity to help her overcome the challenges she must face in this life. Unfortunately, many of the challenges she faces are because of adad's lack of parenting skills. He has enabled her to become totally nonself-sufficient, he has never made her clean her room or do her laundry, as the maid has always done that, she has never had to work and yet has more money to spend than most adults twice her age who work full time jobs.
On the flip side, I am ecstatic that I have the opportunity to be "Mom" to Michelle. She is an intelligent, friendly, creative, insightful young woman who is more like me than any person I have ever known. She realizes that she has made some bad choices in the past and is working very hard to make up for the time she lost while she was in the throws of cocaine abuse, but she also knows that she needs help and is crying inside because adad just won't do anything to help, unless the help means throwing money at the situation. She has come to see my family as the stable base that she needs and is drawing on our strength and guidance to help herself.
Please understand that I was only looking to see if anyone else out there has experienced anything remotely similar, as some days, I truly feel that there is no one out there who has had to deal with such huge changes within such a short time after reunion. My whole outlook on having a relationship with Michelle for 19 years was way off base from the way things have worked out. Considering the fact that I had a nice little life prior to our reunion and in no way anticipated that she would become such a major part of that life has been stressful for all involved. My husband has accepted this child unconditionally, as have I, and my son is thrilled to have a siblling, as is Michelle, it has been a HUGE change for all of us.
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