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Hi Ann,
I don't think you quite understood what I was getting at. I love my adoptive parents, and I know they love me. They are not responsible for any of the hurt I feel about having been adopted. That hurt is similar to what most adoptees feel; it is not resentment towards my birthmother. I believe she did the only thing she could do, and that she believed it was the best thing for me and for her.
My "apples and oranges" comment is because I really do see my birthparents and my adoptiveparents as two totally different, separate groups of people. My adoptive Mom and Dad are the people who raised me, loved me, gave me guidance, and dried my occasional tears - and so I love them and they're very important to me.
To be truthful, I don't give a lot of thought to my birthfather - I have neither positive or negative feelings for him. My birthmother, though - she's the very reason I am on this planet. I would not be here if it weren't for her. 50% of my genes are hers. Although she hasn't replied to me at this point, I have seen a photo, I look just like her, and we're in similar professions. She is my genetic connection to the world, she is my history and my roots. So, she is very important to me, and I feel as if I have always loved her even though we are strangers.
So, apples and oranges. They're totally different from each other, and yet, they're both important to me. My search for, my NEED to know my birthmother and my roots, has absolutely nothing to do with my adoptive parents.
I hope this post is more clear, I would hate to think that anyone thinks I'm resentful or angry. After all, I've used my real name here and I have nothing to hide.
If you were really referring to the part at the top of my other post where I said I'd be furious if I found out that my birthparents were happily married and were parenting their first 2 children and gave me up, well, I would be furious. That's not my situation, though. It's an answer to someone else's question asking adoptees how they'd feel if that was their situation.
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Gwen
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