[OnTheJourney]

Sorry this got long...it's just such an important topic! DH and I are really making alot of effort in this area so I just would like to share our struggles and successes... for what its worth.

Since DS came into our lives, I tried to stay on top of everything to help me feel in control. Well as all you Moms know - THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE! Then suddenly it feels that I have NO control of anything and that overwhelming feeling creeps in. The one that NO ONE could possible understand! I started to think I was on the brink of cracking up.

Well, one night a few months ago, I got up and started journaling. Then wrote down a list of everything that would make my life come back to control, including family, marriage, and individual goals. I found that the theme was mostly 'slow down and focus on the family life', and maybe it wasn't all about cleaning and cooking and being the perfect wife and Mom. The next evening, I decided to share my overwhelmed feelings and goals with my DH. To my surprise, he was very receptive! We picked a few reasonable items (not all were reasonable, just how I felt) and made a plan. We started by getting a calendar and setting up a one month plan. Its been five months now and things are better. When I get that overwhelming feeling, we just revisit the "plan", jot some stuff down on the calendar and try to follow it. But more and more, things are feeling 'normal'. I've also learned to let go of some things. And DH has learned that I need help and sometimes praise and sometimes if the house looks like a tornado when through while he was at work, but DS and I did some wonderful fun thing, It's OK.

Some stuff we picked is quite simple. Here are a few ideas of things we are trying:
- I need organization to feel control. So we picked the Kitchen/dinning/living room (open concept big room) where we spend almost all our time. Each night (EVERY NIGHT) after DS does to bed, DH and I work together and clean it up. It only takes a few minutes and it gives us some together time.
- DH has taken over laundry duty!!! I just get it down to the laundry room and sort it and he takes care of the rest. Love my DH!!!
- Another thing we scheduled is one evening every 2nd week, DH comes home from work a bit early and I leave. He and DS have some quality time, he feeds, cleans and gets DS ready for bed. I do whatever! Shop, go for adult time coffee, go to Chapters, dinner with a friend. When I come home I miss my family and have a new energy.
- Saturday mornings during DS's nap, DH and I pick one task/chore/project to get done/work on together.
- One evening/afternoon every other week, we plan a family get together with friends. We found we were neglecting our relationships with friends and feeling "out of the loop".
- One morning each week I get together with my Mom's group.
- We are not into babysitters yet, so we have a "datenight" once a week after DS goes to bed. The rules are NO TV or computer or chores! We play a game together, read to each other, talk, pray together, something. This one is hard, as life seems to busy to be able to just stop, but we are trying!
- Everynight, I try to find a few monent to pray and find all the things I am thankful for that day.
- Family walks/bikerides. We are trying to get in something after supper, at least a couple times a week.
- Family meals. We TRY to sit down for a meal together every night.

Sunday evenings, after DS is in bed, DH and I sit down for a few minutes and take a look at the week. We make a meal plan, so I usually end up only having to cook 2 meals (Mon and Wed), 2 days leftovers (Tue and Thur), plan a weekend outing so I can call friends or whatever to set up, pick a couple chores for the week we will do together, ect.

We are still far from all our goals, but I feel our family is closer and I have more support to feel in control. I still get overwhelmed from time to time, but now when I do, I sit down with the calendar and make a "plan".