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Tlee, Oh, how I can relate. My Bmom and I don't have much communication. She called a couple of weeks ago. It was the first time Ihad heard from her since may. Her reason for calling in May was to pump me for info on my Bsis, who was mad at her at the time. When I heard her voice, I just immediately shut down. I just had nothing to say to her. I think she sensed something, so the conversation ended very quicly, but it was pleasant. They usually are. We've never been able to "open" up to each other. She does the same things to me that your Bmom does. She says she will call and doesn't, or says we will go do something and never calls back, etc. She and my Bsis are very close, except when they have a disagreement. I have a pretty good relationship with Bsis, but I'm definitely the "big sister". She's 10 years younger than me. The age difference and her maturity level makes a huge difference, but we get on like sisters. I'm also close to my Bmom's sister, but I understand what you are saying about not "feeling" like you have a family.
One of my younger cousins, on bmom's side, was introducing her new boyfriend and future husband to the family. She introduced my Bsis and Bbro, and told him Bmom was their mother. Next, she introduced two of my cousins, noting they were aunt's children. When she introduced me, I was just Shadow Rider. I can't explain how I felt. I wanted to say, "Uhm, yeah, I just showed up on the front porch one day and they took me in.", but I didn't. It's like you are part of the family but no one wants to claim you. I have to admit, time has not made those unintentional things hurt any less.
Bdad's family is stil adjusting. They just aren't quite sure what to do just yet, but it's the same for me as it is for you. I'm Bdad's daughter. I even had to explain to my Bdad the difference in the way he looked at "his" daughter, and the way they looked at his daughter. I adore my Bdad for just "accepting" me as his daughter like he had raised me. Having to explain why his family, though they accepted me into the family, didn't think of me as"his" daughter in the same way they looked at Bsis as "his" daughter. was not an easy task. Explaining to him that it was going to take some time for people to adjust, and that not everyone was going to be quite as "open-minded" about the situation as he was, and he would need to give them time to let it sink in, was an interesting task. His family was all very nice, but that uncomfortable, awkward, we're not really sure about this, feeling was definitely there. I have an uncle and aunt and a few cousins that I'm beginning to build a relationship with, but time will tell, and I think that it will always feel a little uncomfortable and sad for me. I'm not really looking forward to family get togethers such as weddings etc., for the same reasons you have described. I will also probably swallow my emotions and get through with a smile, then go home and cry. for the loss.
My bsis, on Bdad's side, says she wants a relationship, but has yet to put any effort into building one. I sent her an email to wish hher happy birthday, but I'm putting her on the back burner for now. I've got enough to deal with. Honestly, I'm kind of done with her for now, but again not closing the door. I just feel like if she wants a relationship, she needs to reach out too.
I know what you mean. No matter how much time goes by, the disappointmetns still hurt. It all still hurts. Sometimes it's worse than others. The hardest thing for me is remembering that "I" still have a life, whether my bfamily is in it or not. As far as my Afamily, I have my Amom and abro. We aren't exactly close, but we're good. My adad died several years ago. The rest of the afamily I keep at a distance for my own personal reasons, so I know what you mean there as well.
It takes a lot of effort and focus sometimes to remind myself that, with or without, certain people in my life, I still have people who love and care about me. I still have a pretty good life. It's just really hard to put all this adoption/reunion stuff away and focus on the fact that I still have a life out side of all this and people, who love and care about me. You are right. Somdays it easier than others.
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