[Emberbit]

My daughter is really set on the baby having a “big brother or big sister.” As it doesn’t matter to me, that’s what I’m looking for. I want to meet the child/children because I’m less interested in specifics of parenting style than whether it woks for them. If it works…it’s fine. But I want to make sure their parenting style “works” and is nto one I have strong objections to (like one friend who constantly screams at her child but is sweet as honey to mine and another friend who lets their 7-year-old throw food and sing loudly in restaurants). It’s not so much…does their child behave…no child behaves all of the time…it’s how do they react when the child does not behave… I know I’ll get to see how they interact with my daughter…but how you act with your own children and how you act with someone else’s are often completely different.

Maybe it’s because my daughter meets everyone and talks to them that I don’t’ understand not wanting an emom to meet your children. I mean…my daughter meets a lot of people that I don’t necessarily explain their place in my life. “We’re going to go to the zoo with Mommy’s friends X and Y and their daughter K.” And that’s fine with her…she doesn’t care who goes along as long as she can go to the zoo or wherever. Would I want them to introduce me as a potential b-mom when we hadn’t agreed to a match? No. I don’t intend to tell my daughter we’re meeting couples when we do, only when we’re matched. So I don’t undertand why it’s a big deal to say…do something fun with “someone mommy knows and her daughter”.

But I don’t feel that I can agree to a match without seeing how they interact with their current child/children. Because I don’t want to agree to a match and then change my mind and have to find a new couple…

I am accumulating a list of questions…but how do I ask them without seeming like I’m grilling the potential parents?