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I'm working with a 3.5 year old who is not potty trained. She has so much trauma associated with potty accidents that when she arrived three weeks ago, she was terrified of urinating or defecating. She would hide in the corner and just tremble. To make it worse, she'd hold her poop in for days on end, trying not to have an accident, and end up so impacted that we'd have to take her to the hospital.
I just called a "do-over" on potty training. I put her back in diapers, and just rewarded her for going at all. We'll train again when she's settled and feeling less afraid about it. Already she's been trying to pee on the potty, so I think we're making progress.
I'd say it sounds like you're pretty upset and frustrated by this, and maybe that's coming through to her. Your words in your post are pretty strong---"smelling like a barn," you walking away from the undies in the books. She probably gets how much this upsets you, and that ramps up the pressure.
Can you put her back in pull-ups, let everything settle down, and then start re-training her as if she's a toddler? The potty every half hour thing works well. So does having a stack of interesting books, toys and magazines to keep near the potty. Short-term rewards are also pretty effective, as somebody else mentioned.
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