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Being the mom of 2 kids almost 6 years & 4 year old, that are NOt potty trained, I deal with this everyday.
My kids still wear diapers, and it's just part of life. I don't push them to go potty and I don't fuss because they can't. My daughter goes to Kindergarten with no problems.
One thing that I do want to point out is although your daughter is 4 years old, developmentally/emotionally she may be much younger. Plus the trauma she's been through, well it just takes longer sometimes. And not to mention, it could be a physical issue too.
I would just keep trying to get her to go potty, but in NO way would I make her feel ashamed for not doing it, or soiling herself. If she thinks she'll get in trouble..she'll hide it everytime.
I would however hold her responsible for cleaning up after herself.
Just my opinion..
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