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My son's 1st birthday is approaching and I'm getting worried how this will affect me.
I did decide to parent, he left the hospital with the PAP and I brought him home after 2 weeks.
I'm worried his birthday will spark the hard time I had at the hospital and all the pain. I want his birthday to be a joyful time. His birth wasn't joyful for me though, it meant he wasn't with me anymore. (Honestly, I would have stay pregnant forever, I didn't want "the day" to come.)
I'm think we are going to have a party on his B-day, this may help. But, I also want to celebrate the day he came home to me and his brothers. This day is a happier day for me than his B-day.
I'm sure as the years go on his B-day will become easier.
I know I'll be thinking of the PAPs on this day too. I'm sure they will be reflecting on what happened 1 yr agao and how they lost the son they thought they were going to have.
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