[Peanut]

Thank you all for some really good insights.
My own perspective (and some of my motivation for asking this question) has been that I do read (and write) so much about adoption online, and I do encounter times when some of the pervasive negative attitudes about adoption bring me way down emotionally. It makes it harder for me to have visits and talk with the birthparents of my kids, because I don't want those kind of negatives to ruin our relationships. While I do feel it is important to read about all sorts of opinions about adoption, even those that I feel are negative and disagree with, I am often at a loss with how to keep those things I read from bringing my mood (and often self-esteem) down.

To address Brenda’s question...
"I would be interested in what your definition is of "anti-adoption."

I actually would define anti-adoption as the following (and remember this is my opinion)...
Groups or persons who are against any form of adoption, and see it as something that should never happen, period. To me these people simplify the issue, by refusing to acknowledge that while “ideally” children should be able to remain with their family of origin, in a less than ideal world the facts are that for many children adoption is often their best prospect for a family and a future. I think of many of the situations involving International adoptions currently in the news, and the groups who are promoting only supporting mothers, while they also need to simultaneously be promoting safe and ethical adoption options for the children who need it. While I agree much more should be done to ensure that mothers are provided help to parent their children, and made safe from coercion and kidnaping or child trafficking threats, those mothers should still have the option to release their child for adoption if they make that informed decision. So in short those who say, “NO adoption, no way, now where,” I consider “anti-adoption.”

I also believe there is a sub-culture of persons who had a negative adoption experience and unfortunately choose to then promote a strong anti-adoption agenda. This goes much farther than simply airing the truths of the complexities of adoption, and sharing their own experiences that suffered because of lack of education, or ethics, but a blanket and generalized negative attitude about ALL adoption that they want to push on everyone. Adoptive parents are demonized, adoptees who feel loved and secure are touted as being in denial, and birthparents who have come to their own terms about their loss and who do not share their negative perspective are blasted as just still sipping that “adoption kool-aid.” To me this is anti-adoption and offensive because it does not acknowledge that everyone has their unique experience, and allow others to be confident or positive about adoption in the midst of their personal angst. If you do not agree adoption is bad, then you are belittled and harassed. Very anti-adoption. I wonder because I believe this strong emotion is wasted in the wrong place, and could be better funneled by these people into adoption reforms to protect others from having the same negative experiences they had, rather than harassing and criticizing those who believe that their own adoption experience was ok. So again, in short, those who say, “My adoption was bad, so all adoption is bad (and you better agree,) I consider “anti-adoption.”

Again, and as I do at the blogs, this is me sharing my opinion, and I am not expecting anyone to concur. Just my feelings from my unique perspective.

Deb