OK _ so this is just likely the culmination of all my frustration talking, but I am going nuts. Next week it will be a year since my son and I had our only real meaningful conversation, I guess.
If you have read any of my posts, I do not want to bore you with all the details, but as I read other posts it brings up so many questions. I do not want to monopolize someone else's thread; so I thought I'd start another.
One thread that got me thinking had a post that said, the bmom was tested to see if she told the truth and "owned what happened" at placement time. This got me thinking. I don't know if I have "owned" what happened, but my circumstances were unique. I think I am the only one that truly knows what went on then. The fact that my parents and his parents would be charged with kidnapping by today's standards should speak volumes. BUT - he does not know any of this because I never went into with him. I never wanted to paint his aparents in that light. But I also have no idea what they have told him about me or the situation.
Second, we communicated through myspace. He has recently deleted his myspace. Some of the threads say "they are testing to see if you give up on them again." So, am I being tested or is he saying leave me alone. Is it possible for me to do the right thing here? If he is saying leave me alone, and I call his cell or IM him, I am a stalking nut. If he is testing and I do nothing, he loses faith that I lost interest so easily. I don't think I can win here. Is it possible to do what is right???? His 19th birthday is next week. If we had myspace contact - I would pop him a light cheery "happy birthday" message. Now - I am just going to silently go nuts. This just has reinforced for me, how much this all Stinks!!!!!!!
