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Originally Posted by Emberbit
Is there anything I can’t ask when I talk with potential a-parents for the first or second time?
Anything you wish you would have asked but didn’t?
If they have kids already, is it okay to ask to meet them as a family? To see how they interact if we keep it light and fun (i.e. a park or indoor play area)?
If they say they can't have children, is it okay to ask why?
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I think there are very few things off-limits that I can think of, mostly because you are trying to find the family that match with your priorities for a family for your child.
We took DD with us to a first meeting with the family who turned out to be the first family of our son. It was a risk but they wanted us to do that since they had a son (DS's full sibling) who would be there and thought that would be nice for them to meet too. It was a risk of course, but for DD (27 months at the time) there was less understanding of what we were doing there. To her, it was just a playdate with a really cool kid!!! ANd also, we were they ONLY family they were considering at the time, the only ones they wanted to meet. So I think it would depend on the situation.
I guess I would want to understand a little more then need to know "why" a couple cannot have bio children. On one hand, does it matter? But OTOH, it MAY matter to you for your own reasons. And that is okay too. We were never asked in either situation but if asked in a sensitive way, it may be appropriate. I would be prepared though for that question to be an emotional trigger for those being asked.
When we met with expecting mothers, we were open books and wanted very much for them to get the whole picture of who we were so they could make their decision fully for themselves.