[Psalm40]

I'm sorry that the language was offensive. Please realize we are all from different geographical areas and may have very different backgrounds. The vernacular I used is very common in the world I live in and it never would have occurred to me that it would have been taken how you took it. That said, I will try to be very careful to realize what I just said is true of everyone on here. God knows, I am the last person who would judge someone else on their decisions; I've got enough in my own life to deal with before God.

On another note, I'm definitely seeing that the way an OA plays out has a lot to do with the birth mother. Mine has caused me a lot of pain and she has just been someone who has struggled with 'finding her way'. Her other children do not have good relationships with her either, sadly. I can't help but wonder if she took the position of many of you seem to have taken, things would have been very different. I've never felt she loved me more than herself, and the inconsistency she showed toward me really hurt. I couldn't wait to find my birth father when I was 19. I just wanted to see what he looked like. He was also very inconsistent and made promises he didn't keep, but it was ok by then. I had waited to find him until I reached a point of being able to handle rejection directly. It amazes me how much it still bothers me to not have a good relationship with my birth mother now that my mom has died. I'll eventually tell my children about my being adopted and all that, and I'd hoped to have a decent relationship with my birthmom so they would know her. But alas, there is not a good relationship. Just an fyi, I was adopted by my biological grandmother, but she did not raise the daughter that birthed me, that was also an in family adoption. So, my birthmom asked my mom to adopt me, thinking it was her sister she was asking. In time all the truth came out. My mom was 14 when she had my birthmom and my birthmom was 16 when she had me. My mom died 10.5 years ago and she held all of this together. It is amazing how much I still miss her. I was adopted at 4 days old.