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I've known for a long time that I had a brother somewhere out there, and the circumstances around it, but when I sat down with my mom and we really talked about it recently, that's when it blew me away. She was helping me fill out some forms to request info from St. Anne's (they'll send her medical records if you send them a request signed by her, and they're full of info) and she was telling me the story of the whole thing.
It made me really respect her because (and this is the short, nice version) she was treated like a third-class citizen in her own family, lied to and about, hidden and kept secret, all to maintain some aire of better-than-you-ness that my family had. She recognized that she was young, still living with the nutjobs I call relatives, and saw the opportunity to give my brother a better life. She was able to choose the couple, and chose two teachers who already had an adopted child. The more we talked the more my heart just burst with pride and love for my mom, because she did what was best for her son.
She's always been terrified that he would hate her for choosing to put him up, so she never looked for him. Plus she'd heard it would take a lot of time and money to look for him, time and money she did not have. She chose, instead, to live with the dream that her son was living happily and healthfully and had a loving upbringing. I was kind of hesitant to look for him myself because I'd also been told it was difficult and expensive. I also had the fear that if he hated my mom, by proxy he'd hate me, too. But something changed and I decided to start looking for him.
You know what I've spent so far? $6.22 for postage to various places filing ISRR forms, certified Sibling Consent Waivers with the state, and requesting info frmo St. Anne's. Sure, it takes time and effort, but anything worth doing does! Things keep running through my mind like what if he doesn't know he's adopted? What if he DOES hate my mom and me? What if he's dead?
All the millions of what if's... but it's so worth finding out. I'm ready and willing, mom's supportive, and I'm excited. :-) If you decide to pursue it further, I wish you great luck, and if you need someone to talk to, we're all here, PM me if you want :-)
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