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I disagree, Vanice, that there are "many wrong" reasons to search. I don't really think any of us adoptees go through the frustration, fear and pain of searching just so we can lay a guilt trip or plan to lash out in anger or frustration at our bparents. But I do think the negatives feelings have to be acknowledged and then worked on. True, relationships are more successful when you can take love, understand, and forgiveness INTO the relationship, but that's not always possible in the very beginning. There are way too many variables. I personally did not go searching for my bmom to say thank you. Yes, I appreciate the fact that she gave me away instead of aborting me. But I never really felt "thankful" that she gave me away. I went searching for my siblings first and foremost, and my second reason was for answers. Everyone has very personal reasons for searching. Sometimes you have to work through the negative emotions to get to the foregiveness and understanding part. And if the negative emotions cannot be worked through (for many reasons), that's okay, too, because maybe the answers are enough. I think what many of us want is a feeling of wholeness - through voids being filled and questions being answered. I'm glad, Vanice, that you have been blessed with a wonderful relationship with your Dad. Kim
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