[DCMomLady]

Hi, 2many. I just wanted to tell you that I'm listening and have great sympathy for your situation.

I don't have your problem yet because my daughter is just 5 and her biomom/my niece is still "away" doing her two years for child abuse. Biograndma (my sister, the original bio in our tragic case) has been around and I can see that my daughter doesn't like her much. I try very hard not to let my opinion of either biomom or grandma influence my daughter's view of her relatives; but she's a smart little girl and she isn't fooled by my sister's smarmy charm. She may even have memories of her grandmother's role in the dissolution of her birthfamily, although I hope not since she's been with me since she was 18 months old.

I do expect that I will soon hear my daughter say that she'd rather not spend any time with her "grandmother" -- and it won't be hard for me to back to her up because I've only been keeping that door open so my daughter will know them and decide for herself that she's a very lucky girl to be as far from them as possible.

Of course, fortunately for me, my sister doesn't live next door and isn't trying very hard to have contact. The only time she called this year was a week late for my daughter's 5th birthday.

Your kids know how lucky they are to be with you and they're probably not taken in by your brother's attentions at this late date. They may even need to put a little distance between themselves and your brother and you might have to give them permission to do it if that's what they want.

Anyway, I wish you luck. I know I'll be walking in your footsteps one of these days.

DC

P.S. I just came back to apologize for my derogatory use of the word "bio". I'm having a hard day. It's the 10 year anniversary of my own mother's death and I'm just feeling left alone to deal with all this. I know better and I am sorry that I used that word.