[Adopted-B-4]

We have 2 boys who we recieved through adoption. We love them so much! But we always knew, even when we started their adoption that we wanted another one, we just always wanted 3! And we always wanted a little girl! So, we started the adoption process again 2 years and 2 months ago. Since that time, we have had the nursery completely ready, so for the past 2 years, it has basically been unused. The reason we had it ready then was the agency we are using (the same one we used for our boys) told us it wouldn't be long that they had a huge influx of birthmothers placing and get ready! Well, here we are...a room we can't even really use, that we could be using for the boys play room, I will be 38 next month, and we just had a failed match in August, other than that, no prospects. I am at my wits end!!!!! What do we do?? We have prayed and prayed and we have placed it all in Gods hands knowing that he led us down this path again, but now, since the failed match, I am completely beside myself! One day I am sobbing all day and the next I am fine. I have spoken with our agency and they feel they haven't had as many birthmothers due to the morning after pill is one thing she told me but she also said that most of the birthmothers they have had have requested an adoptive couple with no children, which I understand. She said she has 3 birthmothers right now, one who is matched and the other 2, she really doesn't expect to place. I think there are only like 10 couples on the list and I am pretty sure we are at the top of the list, but that is only if a birthmother says she wants the agency to choose the couple. I have asked for their input about changes in our lifebook and I have completely changed it based on their recommendations about 1 year ago.

My question is mainly, do you think that 38 is too old to be chosen by a birthmother? The reason I ask, when we were matched with the birthmother that was due in August, we met her, it was great, but almost as an after thought, we were starting to walk away when she said "You look so young!". That was it. She made the plan for us to come and be at the hospital and everything and then she never called the caseworker when she gave birth and decided to parent her baby. I know it sounds crazy, but I told my husband that day that I felt she must have thought I was going to be ancient looking or something. I mean, when I was 24, I guess 38 seemed old. What do you think? I am so sorry for the ramblings, I am just ready to give up but ...I'm not!