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Jayme - I found my bmom last Oct after searching for 25 yrs. She had never told one person, not a sister, not a friend, not her 2 husbands, about me. Her Secret is so deeply buried, to excavate it would cause major upheavel, from her perspective. She had learned very well how to live with this secret but had no idea how to live with the reality of Me in her life. Kind of like "if it ain't broke don't fix it". And I could tell that she liked me the few times we spoke, at first I even had the feeling she'd be willing to meet me. That didn't last long as she began to think about what she would have to face and ADMIT, to everyone she knew, and her curiosity about me drowned in her paranoia. It was painful for me to see this happening to her. I promised to keep her secret, and that was that, no more contact. Over. I know how you feel, like, what a waste to not know each other.
Then again, there are posters on here that were refused contact in the beginning and bmom came around years later. That could still happen to you.
Could you write her another letter? Outline your intent, your respect for her privacy, whatever makes her feel safe and that you are someone she would want to know, - maybe she'll eventually have a change of heart.
It's keep trying or let her go.
Isn't it nice that others really understand how you feel? This is a great place for adoptees.
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