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Originally Posted by SchmennaLeigh
I will always be age-appropriately honest with my child. I will always state that her parents are amazing and I'm very glad that she has them but I will never deny that I wish things could be different. I won't shove it down her throat but I won't pretend like I'm glad that I was lied to and coerced. I won't lie to my child but I also won't attempt to make her feel guilty with the truth.
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Jenna,
I read the links you mentioned. Thank you. I can relate to the amom mentioned in the closed adoption, where she felt guilt in the beginning. While my new son brought me unbelievable joy, I would often realize, with sadness, that my joy mean loss for his bmom. I was cradling him while she was in pain. I think of it like an organ donor in which the family chose to donate the organ of a lost loved one. Someone's unbelievable joy is due to someone else's incredible loss.
I mentioned before our son's bmom has said she has no regrets and that she will never express regrets to our son about the adoption. I realize, from reading the blog entries that aparents are not supposed to take bparent regret personally. Even if I don't take it personally (which I probably would if I'm being honest), I would be very sad if our son's bmom expressed regret. We are close friends and I would hope I could support her if that came up, regardless of how hurt I might feel.
I'm wondering though, what is the purpose in the bmom informing the aparents of her regret? I mean this in the most respectful way possible... I sincerely want to know. Is bmom regret something that should be shared with the aparents? And if so, what would the bmom need in return from the aparents after expressing her regret? Support? Just someone to listen and validate the right to her feelings?
Again... I mean all these questions with respect, as it is often hard to read intent in words without a tone of voice.
mom to 3 (one bio, one through domestic adoption, one through international adoption)
www.journeytofamily.com