[Aphi86]

When we began our infertility journey so long ago, China was just then opening up to the US. I saw a documentary called something like The Lost Girls of China. I always thought in the back of my mind I should adopt from China because the only reason those girls were there were because they were GIRLS!! It made me so mad. Fast forward 7 years later and after rounds and rounds of infertility I was at my wits end. I had decided I that biology no longer mattered. It was about being a family and having a sibling for our DD and another child to well...love. My first reaction was "heck yea, we are going to China!" But, after several meetings with the social worker (who met privately with my then 7 yr old dd) she did not recommend China. She told us we REALLY needed to consider Russia. At first I was like "No way" but after listening to her reason why, and thinking and praying about it, she was right. Right for us. She said that through her meetings with DD she learned that it was important for HER that her sister look like us and her. The more I thought about it, I was so worn out from this quest for a child that really I just wanted to settle in and be a family. I no longer wanted my child to be the topic of conversation...I was all talked out. Could I love any child??? Yes I could. I have taught at both a wealthy private school where all the kids were neat as a pin, and then I have taught in a section 8 housing school where a Kinder kid once yelled down the hall to me, "Hey teacher I am hungry" and I loved all the kids that came through my door. But as Becky said, I was not up for my family being on display or a curiosity. Ironically, we ended up with a perfect match. Ava doesn't look like Ellen, but Ava looks like Ellen's sister. Love comes in all flavors and you shouldn't feel bad because you have a favorite. This is a life long choice and it is okay to make the best choice for you. You know just because you are given a referral doesn't mean you have to accept it. And, just because you think you know what you want now, you may find that changes when a certain child melts your heart. We asked for a 3-4 yr old girl and got a 14 mos old. But, she was the perfect match for us and what we wanted changed the second we held her.