[Sun8]

Belovedone,
I am so glad you found our forum as this IS the place that you cant vent, run ideas around and not feel out of place or judged for your emotions. Im sorry for the loss of your Dad and the closure that wasn't possible.
I also agree with the other posters about your Mom. As a mother and an adoptee over the years thought about what if my kids were adopted... when would I tell them?
I cannot think of a single time that I thought it would have been a good time. Adoptive parents are in a tuff position when it comes to timing and all the questions that wil ensue that they cannot answer. As far as your birth certificate.... it is called an amended birth certificate and it is done for all adoptees. Your parents didnt go to any great lengths to secure one, it is automatically done. What they did go to great length's to do was adopt you. Adoption is not an easy or cheap thing to do, emotionally or financially. They really wanted you to be family.
There was a post to adoptees a while ago to answer a question...who do you feel is your Real Mom?
My answer was an easy one...... the one who chose tobe present in my life and for me to be present in hers. Not the one who chose for me to not be in her life or her in mine.
There have been many times I wished I didnt know I was adopted. Life would have been easier. No wondering, not being reminded everytime i filled out medical papers that i was adopted as i couldnt answer any family medical questions. When others I knew did a family tree and asked me if i was doing one ( they forgot i was adopted) and i reminded them that i was. Little comment's by family members that are meant to make me feel biologically like them, but make me feel like I am not. They mean no harm, they love me. When adoption or adopted isnt mentioned...they all forget, we are just part of the family.
This will be a tuff emotional time for you, your family and your Mom. She has 2 losses to deal with. A child finding out they are adopted is an emotional roller coaster for the adopted parents. I am sure she wished that you were part of her and came natural to the family and life has gone along as if that was true.
She will wory about how you feel, will you still love her, she will ask herself a millions times most likley..when should I have told her, was there a "right time" and I missed it? and she wont have the person who was there for the decisions all those years, her life partner ( your Dad) that she discussed things with and who decided things with her, her sounding board and the persdon she vented to.
Take care of yourself be easy on you and your mom for a bit and remember you are loved
Just my 2 cents