[TexasPuppy]

I am sorry to hear that you had o go through this Kim. And I am even more thankful that I have not. Not saying this to sound cold, but just very thankful.

I spoke with a counselor tonight and asked how they handle things like this. If they handle things like this. She says if they are notified of a death of an adoptee or a serious illness, life altering events like this, they try to contact the birthmother/parents to let them know.

But it is up to the adoptive parents to let the agency know. The agency does not do follow up asking about these kinds of things. I would like to believe that all adoptive parents would have the compassion to let at least the agency/lawyer who handled the adoption know what was going on but I am not sure this is possible or even something we, as birthparents, can expect.

I am from the closed era and we were told we did not deserve to know and since terminating our rights we had no right to know so we would really be at the mercy of the adoptive parents. From speaking with someone with a semi-open adoption (a more recent era) there is communication so the birthmother/parents may find out because there is annual or semi-annual contact.

I hurt for anyone that has to deal with something like this. Either at the time it happens or so many years later. It would seem hard to hear it at any time. But can someone be forced legally to report a death? I mean, the adoptive parents are told here is this child, this gift, take this child, love this child as your own, but if anything life altering happens you need to contact us (agency/lawyer) and let us know so we can let the birthmother/parents know. Does this seem fair to them, the adoptive parents? They would be grieving a death in the family, the death of a child. Would you be able to think of someone else while you were grieving? I don't know that I could or would.

I guess unless you are faced with the situation, you can never know how you will react. Birth parents or adoptive parents, the loss of a child is devastating.