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Just a quick comment Arruniel, neither of us (closed or open) can totally experience what the other does. Yes, women have been in "closed" adoptions for centuries... but very often they've been alone. I personally know one person who placed for adoption and I only found out about her because her bson found her and she "came out of the closet." I personally have never had a "support group". Also, even though you suffer through the times when you don't see your daughter, you do see her, you know she's alive and well (or not); for 33 years I didn't know anything about my son. I didn't know he was in a car crash that almost killed him when he was 15, for instance...
I don't believe that closed is easier or harder than open: each has its special pain. I think part of the question the OP was asking was aren't we the same in that we both have lost the gift of parenting our child through adoption.
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