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Jannyroo, thanks for all the info and also the suggestions on Varriers books. I will look for them.
I am wondering if the "punishment rigime" part, is being addressed in Verriers books, or is that something you have experienced.
as it really rang home with me as you wrote:
" If you make your self too available you can play into the adoptees punishment regime, this is not concious but it's kind of a 'see how YOU like it"
yes... I think that may be happening with us, and I wonder how common it is. and while I know that most pull -backs are for protection of ones own heart, and I do beleive it should be used in extreme cases where communication has been tried and failed.
I have heard on other threads by others that it has also been used to hurt or punish also, and they don't know why they do it.... and regret it after they do it but sometimes just can't stop themselves from doing it.
so I am hoping that it is being addressed now as it does seem to be causing some reunion problems.and not everyone can afford to pay for counseling to get it all figured out on why they are doing it to each other.
Kune, you mentioned I should save my energy for my family and friends.... but you see she IS my family now, and I also consider her a friend. and something has gone so wrong with this reunion and we have no idea what.....
and... yes sometimes I am angry about it, other times sad, hurt and confused or scared at whats happening and I do come here like everyone else to learn from others, to seek understanding and to vent when needed.
and if there is any way possible to find a way to put out the fire on this nice bridge that we have been building and seems now to be slowly burning, I am willing to try to save it, I am just not the type to just look the other way and pretend I don't see it burning.
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