[Amysue1112]

After reading your post I was really hoping Angelkisses would read this and post. She is the absoute BEST and most knowledgable person on this forum when it comes to attachment/RAD. Her DS is absolutely precious but I know she went through sooo much to get him to where he is today.

The very sad apart this type of situation is that some children are so hurt they may never recover. You certainly are an amazing person to be willing to adopt a child that needs a family. I know you want this to work but you have to keep yourself, you DH and your other daughter in a healthy environment. If you decide this is too much for you to handle, you are not a failure. If your daughter is not healing in your home, this may not be the best place for her. Not that there is anything wrong with you and your family, but this poor little girl may never be able to recover from all that she has gone through. There are significant changes in a child's brain when they develop inside a drug addicted mother. DO NOT beat yourself up if you cannot "fix it". You are doing the best you can and that is all that can be expected.
I too would hold off on finalization until you get her evaluated and treatment that she needs. At this point there is no reason to push for finalization right now. You need to conserve your time and energy right now..Take care of yourself...ask for help...talk to the docs,and keep coming back here. I am not one wish a child with these types of problems, but I know there are MANY people here going through the same stuff. Reach out to them...I know they will do all that can to help. In the meantime, I will pray for you..Ihope you get the guidance and the clarity that you need to get through this difficult time.