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I think you've already answered your own question in your heart. If you really want to parent/foster younger boys, it would seem there's no way you'll be allowed to do this by keeping the child you have now.
I'm familiar with the pain in your decision. We had a son we'd adopted who'd been in our home for over 5yrs and he sexually assaulted/ and attempted to sexually assaut other children--- we refused to allow him to live in our home due to the dangers he presented to our children. It was heart-wrenching in many ways; but not when it came to protecting our children.
I understand your worry you'll never be able to parent again......but as lucy stated, resentment isn't a good element in raising children. Also, as Lucy said, this child needs to be in an environment to help him with his issues.........ones which I don't think can go away with weekly therapy.
If the system should give you grief about disrupting this placement, using the points that you had him in your home for this time (which, BTW, one month really isn't that long); it should also be pointed out that you're realizing HIS needs aren't being met by being in your home, etc. (Those 'points' the system loves to bring up, can always be considered on the flip side too, KWIM?)
The system needs foster parents desparately. You've told them what you'd like to do in terms of parenting and what you wished to raise in your family. If the CHILD had had issues that weren't being met, the system would have had NO problem in removing him from your home, KWIM?
Just because the problems exist within the child, himself, is no reason YOU should have to change your entire life/environment to accomodate his needs.
I would disrupt this placement, give yourself some time to wait and recover;---I would be very surprised if you're NOT given another placement within a short time.
Sincerely,
Linny
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