We are PAP. We are willing to let the Emom's comfort level drive this discussion over the phone. I don't think I would have suggested these concepts so soon LOL! I am just to nervous that I would scare someone off.
I agree that this is an area of deep trust. Our family does this all the time - the shifting of kids over a certain age to a cousin's house for a week or a couple of days over the summer. It's a hoot. We'd love it growing up and the kids love it now. I guess they love coming here because we don't have children and thus we indulge them.
But we've known each other forever.
I think it would take a long time or a special chemistry to develop this kind of relationship between the Emom and her family and us. Trust doesn't usually happen overnight. Someday it would be nice to have this kind of relationship but it seems unusual to have it early on...of course every situation is different.
I think you are perfectly normal in your feelings. *shrug*
I think it's good that this PAP mentioned her interest up front and if it is too scary for you - then move on. At least no one will be disappointed later if the expectation was voiced and dealt with during the interview.
We have been telling our Emoms that they are in the driver's seat regarding this aspect. Our only requirement is that full openness requires a foundation of trust, respect and "healthy" living (which means a safe lifestyle not granola and soy!).
The response has been positive. We expressed a willingness to work with periods of closure and periods of extended openness. The flexibility and commitment to flexibility seems to be well received.
In the end though all of our Emoms have decided to parent or have dropped out of contact. We are on match 4 and are only 3 weeks from delivery. However the agency feels the Emom is starting to close herself off and that she will ultimately parent.
So I guess it will be awhile before we can report on how successful our "flexibility" is...
Sincerely,
Trixie