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I am a mom to both a bio & adopted child. I could give you you some food for thought.
When I gave birth to my son (almost 9 years ago), I had a c-section. I was so out of it, I didn't get to see my baby until quite a few hours later.
There was no instant mother/child bonding. There was no feeling of instant love. I remember holding him and feeling nothing but fear.
I will never forget looking at the babies through the nursery window and NOT recognizing MINE. I kept looking at the wrong baby boy thinking he was mine. But I didn't give birth to that one, so how could that be?
I could have taken home ANY of those babies. I wouldn't have known the difference!
When I first saw my daughter, I felt a sense of awe. She took my breath away. When I held her in my arms, I felt an instant connection.
From the first time I held her (2.5 years ago) and until now, there is a mother/daughter connection. But I didn't give birth to her. How could this be?
I will never forget a conversation I had with my daughter's bmom. She told me that "I might as well have given birth to Sarah." "After all, I have been her mother since the moment I held her."
I don't think bmoms are a threat. However, I think some amoms may have a hard time seeing bmoms as their child's mother. Does that make sense? It seems to get increasingly more difficult as time goes by.
In other words, YES Dee gave birth to my daughter. YES, she is her biological mother. BUT, she has not parented her. She has not been mothering her. She hasn't been there for my daughter since giving birth.
I am my child's mother. So is your child's amom. If she wants to be in the room with you and her child, so be it. You gave up your rights as a mother as soon as you relinquished your child.
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