|
I can not Thank you all enough for your kind words. Someones elses view is nice to hear/see when yours seems not so clear.
I should have mentioned that: Yes, we know that his Bio family was searching for him. Bio-mom espically. Again informatioin that his CASA let him know. After learning this information, only then......we were told that we should always be looking in the rear view mirror to make sure that the same car wasn't behind us at all times. And... we were told a list of "places" that we should and shouldn't take him. That I should be standing at the school to pick him up. and so forth.......
And Lucyjoy I'm not sure that the CASA had his best intrests in mind, She continued to relay information to his Bio-brothers (all in the gang) This the BIG reason why they pose a huge threat to us. His SW found this out. I want to believe as you do that she was trying to relieve his "worries", but I don't see the positive in it?
Linny made a point that there's always the "what if ?" Really I think thats where we are right now. We have made several lists over the past 8 months and even went so far as to look back at them a thousand times trying to figure out where we went wrong. We are afraid to go on again. We feel like we failed both boys. Not to mention that our adoption agency said that...." They no longer choose to represent us due to the 2nd disruption." And.... "How could we do this considering that they """WENT""" up to bat for us on the first disruption." That one, was just a low blow!!! And is Still just as maddening as when it was first said!
We always knew we would adopt an older child.... it was something that we were passionate about. And now ....to know that
we are emotionally afraid to do it for a 3rd time ..... Is almost like an end for us. So, maybe you are right Linny about wanting to "go Back"........ I thought that time would ease the pain, but knowing that he is still not been adopted, is painfull. He's such a good boy!
I wish I had the courage 11 months ago to post here.
You hit the nail on the head when you said that you sometimes feel like you are walking blindly in the dark..... So True.
Thank you all again for hearing me out. And for not making us feel like we are horrible people.
~J.J.~
|