Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Runyan2002
Please no bashing, and I'm going to say in the beginning here that I completely respect someone else's opinion and/or situation.
Okay I'm going to be completely honest here. I have read some posts about some adoptee's calling thier birthmothers "mom" either after reunion or in an open adoption.
This makes my skin crawl. Not because THEY call THIER birthmom's "mom" but because I don't think I'll EVER be okay with Cooper calling his birthmother Mom. Even if he is grown....it would be too hard for me, and I honestly don't know if I could ever accept it or be completely okay with it.
Of course I have never been one to call my friend's parents "mom" either. My mom is my one and only mom, I don't even call dh's parents mom and dad. "Mom" is such a powerful word to me....
Also, my agency teaches the bmoms to call thier children "birthson" or "birthdaughter" when referring to them with the aparents. I must say, while I have mixed feelings on this issue, it DOES makes me jump everytime I hear his bmom (who hasn't had much education) refer to Cooper as "my son" when talking to me. It's really hard for me. Has anyone else gone through this?
How do you move past it? I honestly don't think I'll ever be comfortable with sharing the title of "mom". Even if he calls other friend's mom's "Mom", now maybe "Mama (last name)". It's not that I dont' accept that he has two "mothers" in his life....I just think the title of MOM or Mama should be reserved for me....
Has anyone else had to deal with this or have any feelings on it?
Again, no disrespect meant....just discussion.
|
I understand this, and I am a birth mom.
43 years ago I was just a 15 year old girl who became a mommy one day and didn't have a baby the next day. My breast were full and no baby to nurse.
The word, birth mother had not been invented.
This is a new word, invented to but young or older mothers who give up their babies in a box. A box that makes everyone know who and what she is and isn't, to the child she gave up for adoption. Like, being branded.
As the grandmother, step grad, of a child I raised for 4 years while her mommy got her life together. I think of myself as the only grandmother. The bio grand has never taken the time to come see this child. Not once and the child is now 9. I helped deliver this baby, they lived with us for 2 years before mommy moved and runied everyones life with drugs. Then we had the child from age 3 to 7. Then mommy was clean and in college and the children went home to mommy, who is my stepdau.
We are lucky it turned out very well and is still better then we expected.
BUT, as the grandmother who did all this, do I feel the bio grand has any rights? No. But it won't be my call should she contact her daughter and things change.
There would have to be a lot of change, since she kicked out the daughter becasue the bio grand's ex-boyfriend didn't like the dau when she was 15. (step-dau is 37 now)
But I do understand. I finished raising my stepdau, I am grandmother to her children, I stepped in when her mother wouldn't.
Now as a birthmom, I have accepted the term. But I was his mommy, even if it was only 9 plus months and a few days. I was the mom who was never given a chance.
I was the mom who wanted him and loved him, before the adoptive parents knew he even existed. For some of us birthmothers, I think the new parents forget that.
I will never be the mom of record, the mom who raised him, I will never be that mom.
If he wants to call me mom I will love it, I don't expect it. In all honesty, I want it, but I would never ask him for it. It is not my word, no matter how much I loved him before birth, or how much I have always loved him.
I am the other mother, not the mom.
You may be bothered by the thought that his bmom calls herself mom.
But you have no idea how much pain there is in knowing that you will never be mom to your own child.
for some of us, not all, it is never all.
Adoption is the gift of pain that keeps on giving, forever.
No matter how long, no matter how much time passes, no matter if you are reunited and it is good. Some days the pain just comes to the surface and slaps you up side the head.
There is nothing you can do to fix or change anything. You take what is offered, you take what you can get.
You hope for the best.
I trusted that the people who took my baby would do the best for him, love him as I did.
Then to find out, they didn't do any better then I could have done. Older parents are not always better.
sorry, I do understand, I feel as you do about my step-granddaughters.