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I understand completely. I'm going through the same thing right now although my situation is different as it is Fost/Adopt. My daughter was placed with me when she was 9 months old. Before me she was with another foster family since she was two days old. Her birthmom refused to hold her in the hospital or anything. Although she was granted weekly visits, she only showed up for a few visits before DD was 3 months old then one when she was 9 months and one when she was 17 months old (2 mo after TPR, 1 mo before finalization). The last visit she kept saying things like "Mama says listen to Lisa" etc. I KNOW she's her birthmom so I don't discount that she's one of DD's moms, but so am I. My poor DD was so confused. She has only known me as Mama and had no idea who "Lisa" is. A couple times she said Mama to me and it was so awkward. We have an open adoption plan with 2 visits a year so I'm worried about how our next visit will go.
DD's birthmom is a sweet woman who is dev delayed and low IQ so is unable to parent. No drugs or violent behavior etc. I know her intent is not to hurt me, but my reflex reaction is who has really been the mom? Who has been there to comfort DD when she's been sick, work with her on her speech delays, stay up with her on nights when teething pain keeps her awake etc.
Thanks for letting me vent. The few people I mentioned this to have just not understood why a word (Mama) is such a big deal.
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