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I understand what you're saying. I, too, have strong feelings about mom, mommy and mama. Those are my names. In our situation, the girls refer to their birthmom by her first name - she does the same when talking with them. I truly don't know how she refers to them or herself when talking with other people, but I guess it doesn't matter. She has always validated my role as their mother but referring to me as mommy or mom (and my husband as daddy or dad) and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that.
I tend to doubt that, with my daughters referring to her by her first name throughout their childhood, they would suddenly choose to call her "mom" later on. It would be a little like deciding to call a friend or another relative "mom" - just wouldn't fit. And my girls will tell you - in no uncertain terms - who their mom is! LOL!
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