[Mom2Max]

I just wanted to add my adoption truth. I am very close with my dd's birthmom. I love her and ,in a way, feel maternal towards her. It is amazing to me that I can love someone and also feel threatened by them at the same time. It is such a conflicting emotion.

She is one of the most important people in my life. She changed my life forever. But she, through no fault of her own, makes me feel uncomfortable and uneasy every time she reaches out for contact with dd. I feel horrible that I feel this way. I think with motherhood, comes guilt. Adoption or not. It is easy to feel guilty about these feelings of insecurity and to wonder if you are "doing it right". I worry that I am going to get it wrong. The way I deal with these feelings is overcompensating. I send more pictures than I normally would have. I email more. I am more agreeable to visits. It eases my conscience. I feel less guilty when I look dd's birthmom in the eyes. But then.... by having more contact the cycle starts again and I start feeling uncomfortable. It is tricky.....