[knewengland]

Gottahavehope, thank you so much for an incredibly brave posting and for opening this door to discussion. DH and I are still at the beginning of this journey and our truths have had more to do with grappling with honest feelings about transracial adoption and defining the parameters in adoption that felt right for our family (e.g. what we can and can't accept).

For example, when I began considering breastfeeding and in my mind saw a darker skinned child against my white skin, the emotions were all over the place. Is this right? Is this okay? These followed by guilt that I even wondered. I'd always considered myself a very open, non-judgemental and racially unbiased person. But I was beginning to realize that no matter who we are, we all have biases. That was tough. It was difficult to acknowledge and work through. But I feel good about where I've landed after the work and I think it will make me a better mom.

IMHO I think by acknowledging your feelings you're taking steps that will make you an even better mom, too. Clearly, you love your son enough to work through your emotions to ensure he has a good life. What more can any of us do as parents than be willing to own up to our own feelings, especially those that aren't pretty and work through them? I believe doing that sets a great example for our children and demonstrates a love that goes beyond our own egos or pride.

Thank you again for your incredible post.