|
Thanks for sharing your feelings and experiences. I think your post is an act of true bravery and will open up an important discussion.
Part of my journey as an adoptive mom (so far) has been coming to terms with the fact that in reality my son does have another mom. And that nothing will ever change the connection he has to her and to her family. I however can only be a mother through the act of mothering, so when she gets very involved in mothering "our" son I do feel as is she has stepped onto my territory. But I have also come to understand that watching me mother her child is very painful for her, yet she bravely supports me in my role. We have been able to reach a place where we respect each other's role...and that has involved letting go of the idea of being the sole mothering influence in C's life. I know this has been more difficult for her than for me, because she has given up more.
I cannot compare our situations because my son's bmom is, like you described, like the bmoms who post in this forum, incredibly thoughtful and kind and loving. I am so sorry you are going through this challenge, and that she does not have the ability to join forces with you rather than against you at this point in time. You are doing what is best for your son, and at this point, you need to be fully empowered in order to be the best mom you can be FOR HIM. I also see from your post that you are willing to work through issues, and I hope and pray for you and your son and his bmom that you are able to achieve some sort of workable relationship in the future.
One of my early issues in our adoption was that I was not feeling "entitled" to parent my son. I felt guilty. But then my son's bgrandmother sensed this and told me in no uncertain terms that the family NEEDED me to parent her grandson and that they chose my dh and me for a reason, and that my guilt wasn't doing anybody any good! (yup, she is an amazing woman) After that, I really began to delight in the daily business of being a mom.
Bless you for speaking up. Putting voice to your feelings will help you to figure out where to go next.
|