Soft hold is when an agency puts your file on tentative hold, when an expectant mom is seriously considering you. They don't show you to other expectant moms until that emom has made a decision about you. You are on firm hold when an emom picks you.
As for our experience, For our first adoption, it was about 8 months from when we started out paperwork until we were picked. (3 months from the time our paperwork cleared.) And another 3 months until our daughter was born. No complications, the agency was amazed at how smooth the whole process was for us. (They told us to be prepared - that they'd never had a smoother process, so the next one would surely be rougher. Oh, they were sooooo right!) Love at first sight? I fell head over heels in love with her from the moment I heard about her. But the funny thing is, when she was placed in my arms - after we got home, I just stared at her thinking, "So YOU are my daughter? Huh." She seemed like a stranger to me. It took a couple of days before I can say we truly bonded. But I wasn't worried. I am a nurse, and sometimes worked in Maternity. Many new bio-moms don't feel bonded for the first few days. You would not believe how many ask if there is something wrong with them. It can take a little time, bio child or adopted.
On the other hand, we visited our second child in the hospital, in the birthmother's room. I instantly felt like I was his mother, and he was my son. It WAS love at first sight, for both me and my husband. He mentioned how hard it was to leave the hospital that day, and not have our son with us, even though we were going back to get him the next day. He said he just wanted to sleep in the hospital lobby, to be as close as he could.
That second adoption took longer, though, about 17 months until we were picked my his birthmom, then another 2 until he was born. He fits perfectly into our family , though, and I would not change a thing. His adoption was more "bumpy" - legal mistakes - by ALL THREE parties involved, our lawyer, the agency, AND bmom's agency's lawyer. It was an interstate adoption, and the mistakes had to do with differing requirements by different states. But we had to start all over with everything, including TPR, when our son was almost a year old. I about lost it emotionally. it was so hard.
Good luck deciding. After all is said and done, both experiences, especially our moments with the birthmothers, were so beautiful and even spiritually amazing, that I actually felt just a little sorry for those who just HAVE their children and miss out on the adoption experience.
